As I sit here early on Thursday morning, a little over two days after the horrific shooting that took over 30 lives at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia I am shocked, upset, and scared. For me, I really have no direct connections to VT, anyone who was shot or injured, or the shooter, Cho Seung-Hui; but I feel as if I am in a state of shock at what has happened, that so many could die in so short a period of time, I feel deep sorrow for those who were killed, for their friends and family, I feel fear for me, my classmates at Gardner-Webb, and, really, my "classmates" all over the world.

I spoke with my mother and father earlier today about the whole ordeal at VT and also about the University Police here at GWU finding an unloaded handgun in a student's car last night. While UP decided that the student was not going to cause harm and was an avid target shooter, when I read the news on MyWEBB my heart sunk. Why, only one day after the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history did our campus not go overboard and lock down. I know it might have been a little much, but I think I might have felt safer. I called my parents to let them know that I am safe, but shaken; that I am doing fine, but filled with sadness; that I am still here, but having troubles. As I said earlier, I don't know why I am so upset about this incident, but I just am and I can't explain it. I have thought: maybe this is God's way of showing me this is what I should do with my life, work with others in crisis intervention; or, maybe this is God's way of showing me to stay away from crisis intervention. My mom told me that I just have a heart for people, that I always have and always will, and that I just can't help it that I grieve with others, that I feel for others in their loss.

I have made myself stop watching the news, I just can't see it anymore. The images of the dead students, the discussions of what took place, the experts giving their opinions on why Seung-Hui did what he did, and, today, the release of newly recovered pictures of Cho Seung-Hui holding guns and knives. One picture, the one that I actually found myself looking at when I visited CNN.com, is of Seung-Hui holding a handgun and pointing at the camera; honestly, I don't believe I will ever be able to forget this image.

While I feel so upset, shaken, and full of so many other concerns and issues, I also find hope, especially in the speech given by Nikki Giovanni during the convocation held at Virginia Tech yesterday afternoon. From what I understand, Giovanni's speech encouraged all in attendance. She said:

"We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness."

Wow, how amazing; while I am talking about feeling upset, shaken, shocked, and scared, this lady is saying that "we are strong, brave, and innocent, and unafraid." Now, while I know she is talking to the VT community, I find she is sharing this hope with the whole world. I think it's important to remember that there is hope.

Expect more in the coming days...

Labels: Cho Seung-Hui, CNN.com, Nikki Giovanni, Virginia Tech, VT